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We don’t have to sneak into DRC anymore, so let us learn French, By Joachim Buwembo

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Just as we started mimicking some French phrases ahead of our acquiring French visas for next year’s Olympics, authorities in Kinshasa and Kampala last week announced visa-free travel between Uganda and the Democratic Republic of Congo!

So learning French has become even more urgent for Ugandans, as crossing to DRC is more realistic than flying to France; you just drive a car or board a truck.

Moreover, besides going to DRC being economically and socially more beneficial than going to France, the French you speak in Kinshasa doesn’t have to be half as good as that in Paris. Congo French is as atrocious as Congo Kiswahili to a connoisseur’s ear. But it is French all the same, far better than our no French.

The White Fathers (Peres Blancs) couldn’t make French popular here because the English-speaking British won the ultimate prize of being Uganda’s colonisers, and so the country couldn’t become Catholic territory. However, some very old Ugandans still call Sunday “Dimansi,” their way of pronouncing Dimanche.

Besides the greeting “Bonjour”, another “French” word or name most Ugandan know, but which cannot resonate with any French ear, is “Mapeera”, the first our grandparents heard when the first Catholic missionary landed by canoe from Tanganyika on February 17, 1879.

The 26-year-old Rev Fr Simeon Lourdel was being addressed as Mon Pere – My Father — by his assistant Bro Delmas Amans. So, Ugandans simply called the pioneer Catholic missionary Mapeera — guavas — which were planted in plenty around Catholic missions.

Next June 3, if you are among the million pilgrims coming from all over Africa to Kampala for Martyr’s Day, you now already know that the imposing white building in the city centre by that name is in honour of that religious young Frenchman who recruited, trained and led the famous 22 Uganda Martyrs.

For Mapeera’s everlasting presence in Uganda (even the country’s largest banking chain, Centenary Bank, was started by the Catholic church he established here), and our newfound love for athletics, over which we hope to brag in France next year, shouldn’t blind us to the bigger reason we have to learn French. We are talking of the opportunities that come with freely accessing DRC.

By the way, many Ugandan men living near the DRC border have been living a blissful double life of having a wife on either side. But still, they have to illegally cross the border every other day, because the cheapest visa costs $50, and to get a visa in the first place you need a passport, which most of our polygamists don’t have. Imagine having to sneak out to go to your family home!

This is very serious by the way — having two farms in two different countries, and if you have only one farm, chances are that it is in DRC while your first wife and family are in Uganda.

It is serious because a lot of the food eaten in the densely populated southwestern Uganda and even up to Kampala is grown in farms in DRC, which belong to Ugandan families.

Many Ugandans in Kampala, who don’t know this, wonder why their government invests in securing peace in eastern DRC – and wonder loudly even as they enjoy French(!) fries from potatoes grown on the other side by our Congolese wives, cheaply.

Uganda enjoys a huge trade balance with DRC, thanks to our infant industries exporting domestic consumables and building materials.

For some not-so-obvious reasons, though, Congolese men haven’t expressed that much interest in Ugandan women. Economists are yet to figure out in whose favour this non-monetary trade imbalance is.

The exception here is the few migrant male musicians settled in Kampala, who probably do it to sort out their immigration issues. Of recent, the most sought-after guitarist in Kampala has been Monsieur Charmant (Mr Charming). May we get more of his like now that they don’t have to hide from our immigration officers!

Ugandan ladies have to brace for some serious competition, though, to be posed by low-maintenance sisters from across, in abundant numbers. In my neighbourhood, our local carpenter, a man of very modest means, is married to one and she makes neck turns wherever she passes. Let us pray for domestic peace, as our wealthy guys rush to learn some romantic French phrases.

Buwembo is a Kampala-based journalist. E-mail:buwembo@gmail.com

Strictly Personal

All eyes in Africa are on Kenya’s bid for a reset, By Joachim Buwembo

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Whoever impregnated Angela Rayner and caused her to drop out of school at the tender age of 16 with no qualifications might be disappointed that we aren’t asking who her baba mtoto (child’s father) is; whether he became a president, king or a vagabond somewhere, since the girl ‘whose leg he broke’ is now UK’s second most powerful person, 28 years since he ‘stole her goat’.

Angela’s rise to such heights after the adversity should be a lesson to countries which, six decades after independence, still have millions of citizens wallowing in poverty and denied basic human dignity, while the elite shamelessly flaunt obscene luxury on their hungry, twisted faces.

After independence, African countries also suffered their adolescent setbacks in the form of military coups. Uganda’s military rule lasted eight years, Kenya’s about eight hours on August 1, 1982, while Tanzania’s didn’t materialise and its first defence chief became an ambassador somewhere.

What we learn from Angela Rayner is that when you’re derailed, it doesn’t matter who derailed you, because nobody wants to know. What matters is that you pick yourself up, not just to march on, but to stand up and shine.To incessantly blame our colonial and slave-trading ‘derailers’ while we treat our fellow citizens worse than the colonialists did only invites the world to laugh. Have you ever read of a colonial officer demanding a bribe from a local before providing the service due?

African countries today need to press ‘reset’. A state operates by written policies, plans, strategies and prescribed penalties with gazetted prisons for those who break the rules.  This is far more power than teenage Angela had, so a reset state should take less time to become prosperous than the 28 years it took her to get to the top after derailing.

So it’s realistic for countries to operate on five-year planning and electoral cycles, so a state that fails to implement a programme in five years has something wrong with it. It needs a reset.

A basic reset course for African leaders and economists should include:

1. Mindset change: Albert Einstein teaches us that no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. For example, if you are in debt, seeking or accepting more debt is using the same level of thinking that put you there. If you don’t like Einstein’s genius, you can even try an animal in the bush that falls into a hole and stops digging. Our economists are certainly better than a beast in the bush.

2. Stealing is wrong: African leaders and civil servants need to revisit their catechism or madarasa – stealing public resources is as immoral as rape.

3. Justifying wrong doesn’t make it right: Using legalese and putting sinful benefits in the budget is immoral and can incite the deprived to destroy everything.

4. Take inventory of your resources and plan to use them: If Kenya, for example, has a railway line running from Mombasa to Nairobi, is it prudent to borrow $3.6 billion to build a highway parallel to it before paying off and electrifying the railway?

If Uganda is groaning under a $2 billion annual petrol import bill, does it make sense to beg Kenya for access to import more fuel, when Kampala is already manufacturing and marketing electric buses, while failing to use hundreds of megawatts it generates, yet the country has to pay for the unused power?

If Tanzania… okay, TZ has entered the 21st Century with its electric trains soon to be operating between Dar es Salaam and Morogoro. Ethiopia, too, has connected Addis Ababa to the port of Djibouti with a 753-kilometre electric railway,  and moves hundreds of thousands of passengers in Addis every day by electric train.

5. Protect the environment: We don’t own it, we borrowed it from our parents to preserve it for our children. Who doesn’t know that the future of the planet is at stake?

6. Do monitoring and evaluation: Otherwise you may keep doing the same thing that does not work and hope for better results, as a sage defined lunacy.

7. Don’t blame the victims of your incompetence: This is basic fairness.

We could go on, but how boring! Who doesn’t know these mundane points? We are not holding our breath for Angela’s performance, because if she fails, she will be easily replaced. Africa’s eyes should now be on Kenya to see how they manage an abrupt change without the mass bloodshed that often accompanies revolutions.

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Strictly Personal

The post-budget crisis in Kenya might be good for Africa, after all, By Joachim Buwembo

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The surging crisis that is being witnessed in Kenya could end up being a good thing for Africa if the regional leaders could step back and examine the situation clinically with cool-headed interest. Maybe there is a hand of God in the whole affair. For, how do explain the flare not having started in harder-pressed countries such as Zambia, Mozambique and Ghana?

As fate would have it, it happened in East Africa, the region that is supposed to provide the next leadership of the African Union Commission, in a process that is about to start. And, what is the most serious crisis looming on Africa’s horizon? It is Debt of course.

Even the UN has warned the entire world that Africa’s debt situation is now a crisis. As at now, three or four countries are not facing debt trouble — and that is only for now.

There is one country, though, that is virtually debt-free, having just been freed from debt due to circumstances: Somalia. And it is the newest member of the East African Community. Somalia has recently had virtually all its foreign debt written off in recognition of the challenges it has been facing in nearly four decades.

Why is this important? Because debt is the choicest weapon of neocolonialists. There is no sweeter way to steal wealth than to have its owners deliver it to you, begging you, on all fours, to take it away from them, as you quietly thank the devil, who has impaired their judgement to think that you are their saviour.

So?

So, the economic integration Africa has embarked on will, over the next five or so years, go through are a make-or-break stage, and it must be led by a member that is debt-free. For, there is no surer weapon to subjugate and control a society than through debt.

A government or a country’s political leadership can talk tough and big until their creditor whispers something then the lion suddenly becomes a sheep. Positions agreed on earlier with comrades are sheepishly abandoned. Scheduled official trips get inexplicably cancelled.

Debt is that bad. In African capitals, presidents have received calls from Washington, Paris or London to cancel trips and they did, so because of debt vulnerability.

In our villages, men have lost wives to guys they hate most because of debt. At the state level, governments have lost command over their own institutions because of debt. The management of Africa’s economic transition, as may be agreed upon jointly by the continental leaders, needs to be implemented by a member without crippling foreign debt so they do not get instructions from elsewhere.

The other related threat to African states is armed conflict, often internal and not interstate. Somalia has been going through this for decades and it is to the credit of African intervention that statehood was restored to the country.

This is the biggest prize Africa has won since it defeated colonialism in (mostly) the 1960s decade. The product is the new Somalia and, to restore all other countries’ hope, the newly restored state should play a lead role in spreading stability and confidence across Africa.

One day, South Sudan, too, should qualify to play a lead role on the continent.

What has been happening in Kenya can happen in any other African country. And it can be worse. We have seen once promising countries with strong economies and armies, such as Libya, being ravaged into near-Stone Age in a very short time. Angry, youthful energy can be destructive, and opportunistic neocolonialists can make it inadvertently facilitate their intentions.

Containing prolonged or repetitive civil uprisings can be economically draining, both directly in deploying security forces and also by paralysing economic activity.

African countries also need to become one another’s economic insurance. By jointly managing trade routes with their transport infrastructure, energy sources and electricity distribution grids, and generally pursuing coordinated industrialisation strategies in observance of regional and national comparative advantages, they will sooner than later reduce insecurity, even as the borders remain porous.

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